Time and More Time

Two weeks ago I under eye surgery to repair a tear from the car accident a year ago. Post-op the doctor was very encouraging about how the surgery went and how well I was recovering. First follow-up visit brought even more good news--healing well, no swelling, vision test was great, antibotics stopped and weaning off steriod drops. So with all this wonderful news why am I feeling so blue.

So the doctor said no work for 3 weeks, no bending or lifting. My only outing is to church and back. All day everyday I'm sitting and thinking, thinking and sitting. Because of headaches and doctor restrictions, everyday house work is out. I have never been very patient and sitting still has never been a strong attribute. Being out in the sun, which is not a friend, is really not an option but because I need to be the supportive mom I've ventured out to the boys football game.

I was hoping that this could be a time of reflection and reconnecting with God but I don't feel that either. I have gotten back on a plan for reading through the Bible, so far I've been pretty consistent. I want to know that I'm heading in the right direction and I'm doing what God wants me to do and not what I want to do. I want my Sunday school lessons to be practical and beneficial to my students. I want the things I do with the Youth ministry to be Spirit-led and have purpose. I want this time to mean something. I want to be a blessing to my family and to others.

As hard as I try not to I think about how this time out of work will affect us financially. I look as time keeps ticking by and the opportunity to save money for the summer quickly passes by. I think of all the things we need, the boys need and I don't feel like I'm helping my family. I want to work and contribute but I don't really know how. I have so many things going against me right now that getting a steady job isn't really an option right now. What can I do? Where can I go? I like to think I'm creative but I can't think of any way to be profitable with it. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place. I'm waiting for the lightbulb to come on. I love the ability to be home and cook for my family and do things for them I wouldn't be able to do with a "9-5" but at the same time I feel I need to contribute financial as well. I want to be able to do things with the boys, with husband, for myself and others, but how can I when my bank account says no.

I have time and more time but no MONEY!